Of bikes and men(?)

Only one thing angers me more than seeing Charge bicycle being ridden by a 13-yr-old, and that’s seeing a Charge bicycle ridden by a chav of any age. These jokers do not deserve such a fine, sexy riding machine as this:

Why am I writing about this? Because today on my walk to get lunch I saw both. That’s right. On my way to Tesco, I spotted some kid riding down the street on the bike pictured above. He was riding behind a man I assumed to be his father, on whom I place 100% of the blame for this travesty. This is the equivalent of receiving:

• a Ferrari as your first car; or
• a Gibson as your first guitar; or
• Heidi Klum as your first girlfriend

The problem isn’t only that it’s not fair. That does not bother me. The problem is that these kids will be messed up for life.

This segues nicely to my walk back from Tesco, when I spotting a chav of some indeterminable age riding down the same street on a Charge bike, a single speed like the model pictured above but this one was red. For those of you reading this outside the United Kingdom, chav is a derogatory term used to describe certain teenagers who typically wear tracksuits or hoodies made by sporting brands and who typically are part of a lower socio-economic group. They nonetheless find the resources to take up smoking from the age of 6, raise pit bulls (and pit bull type breeds) that will bite your face off, pierce themselves multiple times, and obtain mobile phones that play tinny-sounding music at a volume too low to enjoy but just loud enough to annoy every other person on the bus.

In terms of bicycles, your typical chav will ride a full-suspension mountain bike with 3-inch tires and possibly disc brakes. This bike will have not seen any mountains, trails, or streams, unless you count the stream of urine running down the Camden sidewalk. So when I saw this kid with frosted spiked hair wearing a light-blue popped-collar t-shirt and track pants riding a single speed racer down the street, it struck me as being visually quite strange. My surprise turned to anger when he passed me by and I saw the Charge label stuck across the frame.

How not to kill a 6-yr-old girl on a scooter

I sprinted my last couple miles on my bicycle this afternoon and was having a really good ride, until I almost killed a 6-yr-old girl on a scooter. Well, “almost” is a slight exaggeration. In fact, there was no contact between us and neither of us broke stride. But it was close enough an encounter that I, and I’m sure the girl’s parents, understood clearly what could have happened had things been slightly different. Unlike Gwyneth Paltrow, who promptly skipped out of the way upon seeing me barrelling towards her*, this little girl had no idea what nearly happened to her. Only after I passed by did I hear the girl’s parents let out a sharp yell, presumably the girl’s name or the command “Stop!”

I did not even look back. What would have been the point? To say, “Excuse me, parent of little girl, why are you an idiot? Do you usually let your child scoot across the street without looking both ways?” Or to apologise? For what? “Sorry, little girl, for not having parents responsible enough to teach you that fast moving vehicles can kill you.” No, I did not turn back. I did not attempt to engage the family of three. Because the simple fact is that pedestrians in London absolutely hate cyclists, and for that reason it is impossible for me, as a cyclist, to have a meaningful conversation with a pedestrian about right of way, traffic patterns, and common sense parenting, especially just after a near miss.

Cyclists have a poor reputation around the city. We ignore the rules of the road, invoking certain ones only when it suits our interests. We blow past tourists wandering along their merry way upon a bike lane. We slip between cars and ride down the center of the street. In a traffic jam, we pop up onto the sidewalk. In short, we are all cocky bastards, and there is a lot of truth to that.

What most non-cyclists do not understand is that the current rules and regulations which govern cycling on the road are often inappropriately geared toward automobiles. Bikes are not cars!

Cyclists must obey all traffic signs and traffic light signals.

Laws RTA 1988 sect 36 & TSRGD reg 10(1)

Cyclists MUST not cross the stop line when the traffic lights are red. Some junctions have an advanced stop line to enable you to wait and position yourself ahead of other traffic.

Laws RTA 1988 sect 36 & TSRGD regs 10 & 36(1)

These two rules are probably the most frequently broken rules by cyclists. They are certainly the ones I break most often. And the anger that erupts from pedestrians and drivers when they see you in the act! Such offense! But do I feel guilty? Not really. Not when other bits of the highway code are blatantly ignored:

Cars MUST stop behind the line at a junction with a ‘Stop’ sign and a solid white line across the road. Wait for a safe gap in the traffic before you move off.

Laws RTA 1988 sect 36 & TSRGD regs 10 & 16

Advanced stop lines. Some signal-controlled junctions have advanced stop lines to allow cycles to be positioned ahead of other traffic. Motorists, including motorcyclists, MUST stop at the first white line reached if the lights are amber or red and should avoid blocking the way or encroaching on the marked area at other times, e.g. if the junction ahead is blocked. If your vehicle has proceeded over the first white line at the time that the signal goes red, you MUST stop at the second white line, even if your vehicle is in the marked area. Allow cyclists time and space to move off when the green signal shows.

Laws RTA 1988 sect 36 & TSRGD regs 10, 36(1) & 43(2)

These laws are broken by automobile drivers almost constantly. I’ve even seen police cars breaking these. Constantly. I’ve even seen a police man, having encroached on the cyclists’ waiting area in his car, actually lean his head out the window to chastise a cyclist for edging up a few feet while the light of still red. Unbelievable.

* Yes, I almost hit Gwyneth Paltrow on my bicycle two years ago.